six months. 180 days. to say the time passed in a blur is an understatement...
it seems like yesterday we were leaving the hospital without them and already concentrating on getting right back to them...and then there was the other heartbreaking day when we brought Claire home and left Emma in nicu...and then the happiness when Emma finally joined us at home [with the heavy car seat from the great beyond]...then there was their first trip to Home, followed by their first extended time at Home - and their initial nor'easter to boot. thanksgiving was a marathon journey that taught us where our priorities should be...then christmas and new years and...you get the picture.
perpetual motion does exist, i see two prime examples of it everyday and i am continually adjusting to keep up with the new challenges. [food soon, crawling is on the cusp]
i guess i am halfway through my provisional daddoo period and i guess i have mostly passing grades.
tempus fugit, carpe diem...la vie continue viva la vie
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
bagatelle
I thought 42 was a year of change and upheaval
Then 43 came along: twins, a new attitude and an approach to my career.
I wonder what 44 will have in store? I guess in five more days I will begin to find out
Then 43 came along: twins, a new attitude and an approach to my career.
I wonder what 44 will have in store? I guess in five more days I will begin to find out
Monday, January 11, 2010
metamorphosen
The other shoe dropped. I had been waiting for it to for some time but on Saturday it finally happened.
My beautiful wife trusted me with buying clothes for our adorable daughters. I went to the first store and got a deal on two pairs of pants. Then I went to one of our go to stores to see if there were any other things in their size. After trying, mostly unsuccessfully to interpret baby clothes sizes, I sent my wife a text asking for clarification on sizes. While waiting for her response, I found some other items that we both would like to have. I was torn as to which way to spend our limited funds and was leaning towards the items that weren't daughter-centric. Out of nowhere, a sense of calm came over me and I realized - a bit sadly on some level - that my needs and desires are not what is important anymore. Those two little miracles sleeping down the hall are all that matters now. Them and my wife. I've had 43 years to address my needs and desires. It is someone else's turn now. The transformation continues. I am gaining a greater appreciation daily for the self-sacrifices my parents made selflessly over the years. I can only hope I live up to their high standards.
My beautiful wife trusted me with buying clothes for our adorable daughters. I went to the first store and got a deal on two pairs of pants. Then I went to one of our go to stores to see if there were any other things in their size. After trying, mostly unsuccessfully to interpret baby clothes sizes, I sent my wife a text asking for clarification on sizes. While waiting for her response, I found some other items that we both would like to have. I was torn as to which way to spend our limited funds and was leaning towards the items that weren't daughter-centric. Out of nowhere, a sense of calm came over me and I realized - a bit sadly on some level - that my needs and desires are not what is important anymore. Those two little miracles sleeping down the hall are all that matters now. Them and my wife. I've had 43 years to address my needs and desires. It is someone else's turn now. The transformation continues. I am gaining a greater appreciation daily for the self-sacrifices my parents made selflessly over the years. I can only hope I live up to their high standards.
Monday, January 4, 2010
idyll
It was a beautiful dream...I would be the supportive husband. Waking up in the middle of the night to help with overnight feeds, letting my wonderful wife get the rest she so sorely needs.
the reality is I am a heavy sleeper. you practically have to explode something next to me to even get a rise out of me. a better bet is to set the dogs off which wakes me up automatically. i feel guilty every time my wife lets me know in the morning who had a bad night and how she asked for me to help and i didn't respond or mumbled something that i don't remember saying. i try to help but past a certain point in time, stick a fork in me, i am done.
over winter break, a new dream emerged: having a career that allows me to work from home or takes me from home for a miniscule amount of time. i enjoyed being mr. mom over break and am looking forward to my extended engagement this summer.
the reality to dream two is this: i have next to no marketable skills outside of being a band geek/music educator. i was a church organist once upon a time but that was two lifetimes ago. i hate being away from my family five days a week [plus whatever other nights pop up]. unfortunately, unless an s-load of money gets in my hands - and we are talking a mega s-load, i have at least twenty more years in the trenches.
you do what you need to, to provide for your family...
... it is a nice dream though
the reality is I am a heavy sleeper. you practically have to explode something next to me to even get a rise out of me. a better bet is to set the dogs off which wakes me up automatically. i feel guilty every time my wife lets me know in the morning who had a bad night and how she asked for me to help and i didn't respond or mumbled something that i don't remember saying. i try to help but past a certain point in time, stick a fork in me, i am done.
over winter break, a new dream emerged: having a career that allows me to work from home or takes me from home for a miniscule amount of time. i enjoyed being mr. mom over break and am looking forward to my extended engagement this summer.
the reality to dream two is this: i have next to no marketable skills outside of being a band geek/music educator. i was a church organist once upon a time but that was two lifetimes ago. i hate being away from my family five days a week [plus whatever other nights pop up]. unfortunately, unless an s-load of money gets in my hands - and we are talking a mega s-load, i have at least twenty more years in the trenches.
you do what you need to, to provide for your family...
... it is a nice dream though
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