seizing the aspect

once upon a time I read a series of books by Spider Robinson dealing with the denizens of Callahan's Crosstime Saloon and Lady Sally's Place and Mary's Place and ultimately The Place.

One of the tropes of the series was the ability of individuals to bring up their aspect [special talent] when needed to make the world run more appropriately.

Now is the time for me to seize my aspect and show the horde on Main St. how things should be handled to insure a smooth concert season for all concerned.

or maybe I am overestimating my self worth on this front....

one step up and two steps back

one of Springsteen's better 'forgotten' songs...

a wild freaking week, to wit the following

monday: a phenomenal afterschool rehearsal with the 7th grade assessment group.
tuesday: a scattershot day with the 7th grade out on a field trip
wednesday: assessment day with a jekyll and hyde performance from the kids followed up with a short, sharp shock to my emotional/psychological/professional system in regards to next school year's teaching load.
thursday: good last rehearsal with the honors band kids
friday: emotional conversation with el jefe about next year's class assignments as they stand now...followed up by a shorter, but still emotional conversation with the boss lady about the same.
today the usual up before dawn routine followed by me shaving off almost 8 minutes on the walking route for the 5k.

the rest of today? pondering, perhaps purchasing...projects, grading papers, the derby and continuing to not think about next school year

marathon sprint

one of my favorite oxymorons, but in this case it's highly accurate.

i began, erm...training for the Father's Day 5K sponsored by GBMC's NICU this morning. I figure the worst that can happen is I collapse on the course and all those medical people around me can put me on life support of a glucose drip or something until I am able to move on own again.

I mapped out a walking path and hoofed it this morning. Walking at a steady pace, ca. 104 - 116 steps per minute, i covered the distance in a little under 49 minutes. Not bad for someone who is woefully out of practice.

Why am I doing this to myself? Four big reasons:

1. school is busting my butt on a variety of levels and I need a distraction/outlet for all of the severe emotions I am bringing home when I leave Main St. everyday.

2. To get myself in shape. Well back to the somewhat bearable shape I was in before year two of fatherhood kicked in. I have become for all intents and purposes: a slug.

3. To give a little bit back and support the wonderful men and women of the GBMC NICU who took great care of my beautiful daughters during their time there and set them on the course to having a wonderful, happy and healthy life.

4. My wife. She deserves a partner who can shoulder his share of the load without complaining every five minutes that he is exhausted.

Hopefully I can see this thing through to it's conclusion.

sumus

all in

as in: 'i ain't got no more to give'.

this school year has drained just about every ounce of passion I have for my profession out of me. from the chorus fiasco to the non-leading team leader to the clueless colleagues, i am at the end of my rope.

unfortunately, unless i am the recipient of an s-load of money in the near future it is my lot in life.

i have two more days left until spring break. well a break of sorts. not really sure what i will be breaking from since the week ahead doesn't look too relaxing at first glance.

oh well, at least I have my health...well most of it, uhm some of it....erm, what was i saying/

perpetual motion

five teaching days and then spring break. not going to be the usual type of spring break but i guess it's time to create a new paradigm for that part of life also.

sib was a great show. only one group really didn't do anything for me. the bananas and westshore were off the chart and park city pride and hanover worked the crowd pretty well too.

this week holds the usual school week routine plus the added madness of decent weather - mostly - all week. i am hoping that the students gradually stop coming throughout the course of the week and that by the time friday rolls around, most of the unique students are already gone.

next week should be interesting.

you are here

survived the first week of the autism class being added to my already hellacious teaching schedule. the autism teachers are pleased with what I am doing with the kids, wish I could say the same.

on the home front, week one of the back to addleton tour was a success i suppose. missing the free time at home but also relaxing slightly from a financial standpoint.

trying to come up with a present for my mother, who i still hanging in there, hope tomorrow's dinner out will buoy her spirits some.

summer is still nebulous

school still has the final sprint/quarter to go.

not much beyond that.

SIB in one week.

sumus

where was i?

oh yeah when last we left, I was returning to school after a day off spent at Home. well since then, lots has gone down...

- we have a new chorus/general music teacher, who doesn't have an ed degree and whose sole experience musically is directing the choir at his dad's church. need i say more?

- larry is spiraling down the rabbit hole at a furious rate AND has decided to stay next year after all, WTH?

- i am teaching twelve sections starting on monday, no more lunch duty but i get to teach an autism section. comprised of two autism classes that are miles apart from one another developmentally - even for autistic kids.

- mel got a new job, so monday starts the daily normandy invasion again, the extra money will help. beyond that not much more to say...

- mom's birthday is monday, her emotional/psychological decline is bothering me more than the physical. i hate seeing her like this but it is not really my place to force the issue. and that is creating frisson like you wouldn't believe.

- spring break is still way off in the distance and the school is slowly succumbing to madness.

- it's the week before vince's annual extravaganza and the hype is a little underwhelming. curious to see where it ends up ranking among the other 26.

- still looking for summer employment. the addition of the mel routine kinda makes summer a little nebulous you know?

- again, where am i?

syntonos

today's lesson: words hurt.

back to main st. for a solo show, intrepid leader is out today, plus it's the start of the MSA madness. and spring break is still way off in the distance. spring cleaning commences and picking music for the 8th grade for the spring concert is on tap also.

over the hills is home...

...just down the road is shelter

it's amazing how a simple trip home can reset your psyche.

the girls walked all day, no big bertha. grotto's and cracker barrel in one day and reasonably good weather added up to a pretty good day all around.

and then there was the license plate game, presaged by an alaska sighting on Merritt of all places!

today: sam's trip maybe, library stroll with the girls, beyond that...who knows.

ragnarok

need i say more. i could but what's the point.

I did get a chance to see my little ladies last night. definitely the best part of the day.

redemption or rapture or ragnarok

one of those is likely to occur.

first, the home front: i will miss seeing my ladies today and tomorrow because of the demands of my job. Next year I may just say f it and do the assessment in May. My wife has gone above an beyond making sure that every thing is ready for me clothes wise for the day and she deserves more than I could ever give her in return for keeping me sane through this boondoggle of a school year.

and now on to today's main event: the title says it all.

best case scenario: the kids go in and have an above average day for them - no surprises and some sections step up to the plate and show what they are truly capable of.

the pipe dream scenario: a miracle occurs and that which did not kill us, made us stronger. I am not holding out hope.

worst case scenario: ragnarok. armageddon, catastrophic failure, need i go on?

I did my part. I truly believe I did. Looking back, other than the repertoire miscue on my part, I toed the line and got the job done in the time provided for me with the talent base I had.

in thirteen hours, another one in the books. will it be four in a row? or will the bubble finally burst?

only time will tell, sumus, enjoyin' the last day of the ride...

solfeggietto

welcome back my friends to whirling dervish week... to wit the following:

final rehearsals, nailing down logistics, msa mandatory training bs, a drop in at dr. giggles to assess how things are going, assessment wednesday night, larry's assessment thursday night, staying on top of everything at main st., getting lesson plans ready for Friday, getting coverage for Tuesday and Wednesday, finding a sight-reading piece, making sure i have clothes that fit, surviving the students million and one questions, fixing instruments...

THEN there is the important stuff: making sure my girls and my wife get the best of their dadden/husband because they sure as hell deserve it this week and not the beast I usually am during assessment week.

sumus, tryin' to enjoy the ride...

the cave

great parable... cool piece of music...

so we are just at about ninety-six hours to go and the games is afoot. sumus my friends, sumus.

one major train wreck to fix in two rehearsals over two days and then a no pressure warm-up/sight-reading the day of.

it is what it is, i don't necessarily like that but this year things, with the exception of a major repertoire miscalculation on my part, were a little out of my control.

four years in a row would be nice, if it's meant to be it's up to me.

the girls: doing the quiet time thing. the wife is working - her schedule got tweaked for tomorrow so i may not get a chance to clear my mind until monday afternoon.

the ipod uploading is in it's final stage. i am actually preparing to create two separate playlists for assessment day - the mental prep mix and the traveling mix.

i hope i can give my family the attention they so rightly deserve this week.

off to the wii for a quick round of sports before dinner with the ladies.

missed opportunities

the girls evidently lost their minds yesterday. I know the feeling.

so the draft of the assessment program comes out and I look at the judges list: Uncle Franz again - I will at least get a fair chance there. Some guy from a private school, the coordinator for Howard County and Bryan Eber.

okay, perhaps I am overreacting but there is a major problem when a guy who barely made it through college, who owes pretty much all of success to his wife's efforts gets to judge an assessment.

jealous much? no and yeah and who the hell knows. as i told my female triumvarate yesterday morning 'sumus'. well yeah sumus and all that but i wonder why i haven't gotten that call yet? or have i been classified as persona non grata because i didn't hang the moon early on in my career.

let's see: rebuild a high school program in four years? check. start a program at a magnet high school and leave it flourishing when i left? check. replace a legend at a community middle school and raise the bar before i moved on? check.

nope obviously not judging material.

sumus quod sumus, but i sure as hell don't have to like it.

deja vu

not one of UNT's best albums but it will work as a soundtrack.

one week from now it will all be over. it appears larry's kids are starting to peak as mine are starting to muddle in the middle so sumus...although i am having flashbacks to DMS and the first crack at Chester Variations. These kids are more talented than that crew, but for some reason I can't get them over the hump.

the girls: it was a genuine joy sitting on the floor with them last night watching the dueling ball choreography. it appears that we have a natural born kicker and a natural born dribbler so I may not escape the sports thing.

today holds the end of the big band jazz sub-unit, start of a new piece in 6th grade, more fine tuning and comfortizing in the 8th grade brass and getting the interims done at some point.

tonight is a new csi with dr. johnny fever his ownself guest starring.

a pensive and unsettled dadden signing off.

sonus ventorum

a snow day. needed for recovery, not needed for festival preparation.

my weakened state made me miss breakfast on a snow day with my ladies. that hurt.

their smiling faces and boundless energy carried me through the morning and into their naptime. the residual pain from yesterday's extractions and other stuff knocked me on my behind at the half day.am going to attempt to go out to eat with my family when they get back from auntie mel's.

tomorrow holds school and getting back on the treadmill and trying to maximize the remaining week before we hit the judges. head is driving me crazy. early night tonight i fear.

the ladies

so the results from the dr.'s appointment are in: we have a mover and a talker.

no. really? couldn't have figured that out on my own.

emma is behind verbally but is a little more physically ahead in terms of balance, movement, etc.
claire is a talking, singing machine and not too far behind her sister in the movement category.
there might be signs of twin speak happening but i'll reserve judgement on that for another day.

bonus dadden day on tap with a nebulous morning followed by a trip to dr. giggles for some repair work followed by a drugged up dadden hopefully not sleeping the rest of the day away.

...then there's that weather event.

solace

would be nice.

it's sunday. up before the sane people again.

today holds more dadden time and very little else. tomorrow holds a trip to dr. giggles for the latest round of oral surgery.

used the new ipod for the first time yesterday, felt good to have it back.

i have started the last round of uploading, should be finished by the middle of the week, then i can start playlists.

the girls are fine. the new approach to feeding them seems to be working. we will try round two today and see if the positive trend continues.

four day week equals seven rehearsals as the drive towards assessment enters the home stretch.

beyond that, nothing. just me and the computer alone on a sunday morning while everyone else sleeps.

pacific fanfare

as in pacific= calm, peaceful, serene.

that's kind of the day I want to have today.

no new chapter in the ongoing saga that is work, no disturbing news from the girls' dr. appointment. the ability to stay awake past 9:45. i just want a pacific kind of day.

circus maximus

is exactly what it feels like i am trapped in right now. team leader is still playing schizoid/paranoid man thinking that everyone is out to get him in the situation even though a little more proactive behavior on his part would have resolved things a LONG time ago.

assessment is in exactly two weeks. i am praying for a two, but would settle for a split decision at this point. some years you know aren't going to happen. where is dr. tim when i really need him?

i am coming home exhausted everyday. not necessarily from my actual job, but from all of the bs that accompanies it. i am crashing earlier and earlier every night and i desperately need a day off but can't take one anytime in the foreseeable future.

my girls are more mobile, more inquisitive and more rambunctious everyday and i am pissed that i can barely muster the energy at times to interact with them.

my loving wife is doing her best to keep things afloat but it's starting to wear on her too.

i never planned on running away to join the circus, yet somehow the circus imposed itself on me.

memento mori/passages

so during my early morning dadden time before every other sane person in the house gets up I discovered that some seminal parts of my existence no longer exist.

serenade in brass ends this year after a glorious 36 year run. there was a period of a decade where i was there every year. through four relationships and various incarnations of westshore, the hip pickles, etc. it was one of the signs of spring that got me ready for the upcoming summer season. i won't be there for the farewell show. but the memories of conga, hair bear, frankie, butch, jimmy russo, etc. as well as the bucs alums doing beyond the sea, mighty st. joe's filling up every square inch of the stage and the yankee rebels adding that hometown touch...

then another quick websearch revealed that the yankee rebels alums dissolved as of august 14th, 2010. that one hit hard. Hamilton was a huge part of growing up in Baltimore. They were at all the parades, they hosted shows at memorial stadium, you get the picture. Wish i has a recording of Requiem for an Era so that I could properly say goodbye.

it pains me on one level that my girls will never get to experience these two entities. on another level, it just compels me even more to make sure that they get to experience as much of their father's formative experiences/places as possible before they all disappear.

morning comes

way too early...

it's the saturday before valentine's day. my internal clock decided that 4:30 AM was a good time for me to get up.

on the work front: former co-worker was supposed to stop by school yesterday evening to claim her stuff and hand in her keys so that hopefully we can get a real music teacher in that classroom. the little general and i were both so wrapped up in festival prep that we really didn't have time or the inclination to get her things in one location for her. we did however lock down everything that belonged to the school.

on the home front: date night with the wife last night brought the usual mix of awkwardness without the kids, some grown-up talk, some tentative plan making and the like. at some point this weekend there will be bedframe building. valentine's day seems to be shaping up to be a low key event.

randomness: still uploading in preparation for the formatting and using of the ipod. girls are transitioning into running stage now. vocabularies are expanding - emma still lags behind on that front, they have an appointment thursday so we will see where they are after that. nascar shootout s tonight, the field is kind of lame. wrestlemania is shaping up to be kind of a down year. other than that, life continues on it's merry path.

and it's still way too damn early to be up

danza antiqua

it seems i've been down this road before. never would have imagined it would take place in such a 'wonderful' place as Franklin.

there are times that you just need to sit back and not intervene even though it would probably be better for you to intervene.

the experiment continues apace. the rehearsal schedule seems to be working, i submit my combined rehearsal schedule today and have the first of the afterschool rehearsals with the flutes and clarinets.

i miss having a normal workday and a stable work environment.

and above all else, i miss my family.

passacaglia in diminution

16 plus afterschool rehearsals.

it can be done, but I have to put my game face on right now. i just hope that i don't let it get in the way of my family time.

let the games begin

whirlwind

these girls are a blurring mass of activity without any change in speed whatsoever.

so this weekend: avoiding the BIG GAME...which if you sit back and think about it, is just that a game. by that same logic: a performance is just a performance - except when that performance is an assessment, which happens in a little under a month. haven't heard back from the bus company, just got around to creating the permission slip/info letter about it and oh yeah, i just changed the second adjudicated piece so we are shooting for a 2. or is that praying for a 2?

the uploading continues apace. almost done putting the rush on and then it's a race to get through the minor artist cd's and the singletons. i will probably format and start using the ipod tomorrow.

today: figuring out a rehearsal schedule, trying to keep tabs on the destructive duo - shiva and doppelganger shiva, wrapping my mind around the challenges that lie ahead.

crescendo and out

morgen

a really morose art song by schubert I believe...

so since we last checked in the following has occurred: jazz night at FHS , annette quit and screwed us over in the process. larry decided to transfer, i have somehow managed to catch some sort of bug that is going around and valentine's day is getting closer and i have very few clues/directions on what to get.

the girls had a full on whine day yesterday. that was unexpected. emma was running a slight fever.

today: uhm, hopefully a better rehearsal from the 8th graders. the melody lesson for the world music kids, some sort of followup to dixieland in american music 8, surviving band 7. band 6? who knows and then it's home to the family for the cold, cold weekend ahead.

fugal fantasia

so the shoe has dropped, island girl has left our oh so dysfunctional team. fearless leader reacted as expected, panicked over nothing and then had an epiphany of sorts. it will be interesting to see how the rest of the year unfolds and what exactly will happen to that position as the belt tightening makes it's way around the system.

two more snow days to burn. i know my beautiful wife will lose her mind if, by some miracle, I have tomorrow off. it was fun spending another day with the ladies even if we almost screwed up the night time ritual by letting evening quiet time run a little long.

i will miss my family tomorrow as i endure a six period teaching day followed by the infamous jazz night at the high school. all of the preceding brought to you by the kindness of the father-in-law's pickup truck.

tonight...whatever needs to be done, pulling shite for tomorrow night's boondoggle and trying to relax.

3 gigs down and still a whole s-load of cds to load in.

reprise with variations

first work day in a week. not sure how things are going to unfold.

i will miss my ladies today and hopefully will get a delay tomorrow so that I can see them before I head off to work.

have to make a decision on assessment and decide what's best for the students and not necessarily the teacher/school reputation.

i have a new toy courtesy of my wonderful wife. i am slowing getting ready to play with it, more uploading today.

gotta love returning to school on a six period teaching day.

not much else to say at 447 AM.

45

one day into year 45 on the planet. had a relaxing day yesterday - dadden time in the morning, a surprise early work day for my wife, dinner at outback, concert at the meyerhoff and then home.

today holds probably the normal sunday routine plus some mental/physical attic cleaning. still trying to decide if i am going to meet the challenge.

tomorrow is a professional development day; headed to main st. for grades and maybe some timp tuning and then back home. weather looks dicey at the midweek.

the next dental appointment has been made.

the girls vocabularies are expanding on a regular basis.

might head out this morning by myself if i can justify it.

when they said sit down, i stood up...

prelude and furioso

tomorrow = 45. still coming to terms with that.

today = two hour delay for a dusting, the storm tracked northward so we dodged the bullet again. what does it say about me as a professional if I am now praying for days off?

the girls are looking more grown up every day. emma is getting more vocal, claire's creativity keeps expanding and they are starting to share more and show empathy for each other. my birthday will start off with seven hours of daddy time and end with shostakovich at the Meyerhoff.

today = school, then the mva, then home, then whatever else is on the agenda.

no retreat, no surrender.

recuerdos

five days to go to five before fifty.

don't know why the upcoming number scares me so much. guess cause it starts the downslide to the end of my existence - thanks to the roberts/kirkpatrick genes a minimum of another 45ish years.

the girls have been sick/having misfortunes - fever spikes, dog bites, headers off various objects. i have been doing more interactive play with them rather than just sitting and vegging. emma is showing more verbal skills. claire is getting more creative.

school is getting more pedestrian lately. el jefe is staying and the irritation has been mia for almost a week. not sure if staying is a good thing or not but it is the right thing at this point in time.

book journal started for the year. not sure if i care if i reach a record number of books or not, it is about quality and enjoyment, not quantity.

looking forward to a potential late opening tomorrow.

finishing up rainbow bridge score study today. probably should start crossroads also.

recuerdos

souvenirs/regards

hasta manana

music for a festival

so yesterday was interesting. no el jefe usually equals knucklehead doing squat in her classroom. surprisingly she taught all day. wow.

i settled on a warm-up for festival, it's where i was originally looking at back in August. As to the actual assessment literature...all i have to say is SUMUS. Some years you have a perfect storm of literature, some years you don't. this year falls in the middle.

the girls had a mild meltdown when we started taking the tree down last night. it is heartening to see them get so upset about xmas coming to an end but at the same time they will gradually realize that each special time of the year gives way to another and then the whole cycle starts again.

two hour delay this morning equals waffles for my ladies before I head out the door for amateur hour on the roads.

the talk with the new sheriff went well. i think i got my message across.

score study, girl wrangling and enjoying my family on tap for the weekend.

la vie continue

perpetuum mobile redux

on the treadmill again.

three days back into school and the same old issues are back in play.

still not 100 % sure on the assessment literature this year - and I still need a warm-up piece. after talking with my wonderful wife, i think i have my intent form figured out - still waiting to talk to the principal to put some things out on the table.

el jefe is out today, that should give me less stress unless knucklehead screws up.

home is okay. i miss my family like crazy but you do what you have to to provide.

it is six days in and i have yet to start a book for this year.

and i am praying for the snowfall totals to increase for tomorrow.

fantasia

new year. new outlook. new challenges. new routines.

school tomorrow will be roughish. afterschool tomorrow will be spent in the copying room.

prior to coming home will be a visit to the rancch, after dinner will be a perambulation with the dogs. after that will be bath, book and bed for the girls. after that will be doing what needs to be done around the house. after that will be daddoo time - maybe.

still need a warm-up for assessment, but I honestly haven't been looking for one.

still pondering the potential challenge in June.

in an ideal, fair and just world, everything will work out.

in the real world however...

come and hear the music play

ritornello

2011

a tabula rasa if you will...

a new working area/daddoo zone in the house, plans to upgrade/redo various aspects of the house, continued vocab and skills development in the roberts girls, laundry as always, wrapping up break.

at school...

a declaration of intent form to figure out, a festival warm-up piece to find, concert formats and repertoire to nail down, to hershey or not to hershey, to stay or to go...

interesting times ahead.