Overture

So I/we had it all planned out: the girls would be born in late August/Early September. Their room was done, I had filed the paperwork for the paternity leave, we were following the bed rest orders for the most part. We had just gotten the okay to start going to the beach. Things were definitely happening - save the bed rest part - as they should. And then the wheels fell off. An early morning awakening by my wife, in a mild panic, saying my water broke. Not in the cards, especially at week 32 and some days! A frantic drive to the hospital was followed by a weekend of getting us to week 33 by every medical means necessary. The doctors and nurses did their part and on July 20th the girls arrived and all of our plans went kerflooey.

Being born that early equalled a stay in NICU. We will forever be grateful to the crew that staffs the GBMC NICU because they made sure that our little angels continued to grow and be in a position to thrive once they left NICU. Which was another issue. Claire came home after a week, Emma about a week later. My wife? She was discharged without either of the girls and that started a whole other set of issues: pumping, driving to NICU for feedings, spending as much time as we could there while simultaneously getting ourselves ready for the eventual homecoming of E and C. I did what I could to put her at ease and never really took the time to sit down and process the seismic changes that the girls would bring to our daily lives.

I had planned on taking six weeks to get to know them, to develop routines and generally bask in the new dad glow that babies bring. The system said no dice. The six weeks would start on July 20th. I ended up with one week of the school year, the teacher prep week, off with pay and the rest of the week was eaten up during July and August. I had to establish and learn routines quickly and try not to think of my return to work. Right, as if. I have been teaching for twenty years and you don't just dump that established pattern of behavior that August brings. So I lived a double life: daddy by outward appearances with about 85% of my attention and music teacher with the other 15% on the inside. I felt, and continue to feel, guilty about dealing with school issues at home but I have no choice sometimes and that is something
i am still working on. I am told it's an ongoing process...I kinda wish I had other marketable skills so I could give my family the measure of my devotion and support they deserve.

the process continues and I am getting better at balancing things I think. The problem is, it's concert season.